20 First Dates: How to Find the Perfect Man in 20 Dates by Maddox Rebecca K.;

Author:Maddox, Rebecca K.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: REL012100, book
ISBN: 4572976
Publisher: Authentic Media
Published: 2012-02-14T00:00:00+00:00

12

KILLING THE FANTASY

‘Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters . . .’

– Francisco de Goya

I must admit that I am a perfectionist. I have always been particular about who I go out with, and had high expectations – perhaps unreasonably high. The reason for this is that for a long time I have had a fantasy figure in my head. In my imagination, this man and I will be so attuned, so on the same wavelength, that we will have barely any need for words. Despite this we will have very deep conversations and an intellectual parity. We will make each other laugh all the time yet be able to talk seriously, and we will be deeply attracted to each other. We will want all the same things out of life and want to go to the same places. We will be of the same age and at the same stage in life. We will find favour with each other’s families and friends. We will both have excellent jobs and no money worries. In short our relationship will be seamless and smooth and completely obviously right from the first.

If you also believe all these things about your future partner, I have some bad news born from stark experience: it isn’t going to happen! There has to be some compromise. Sure you need to have some of those aspects – and I think you should expect to have some of them, otherwise why would you want to be with the person at all?! But the whole package? You will never find it. Even if you do find that level of perfection, do you think it’s likely that they will be living next door to you, or in the same city, or country . . .?

Also, do you think it is likely that you will stay quite so high, so enthusiastic, so crazily in love throughout your entire marriage? An older couple who have been consistently in love since they first met haven’t been spending the thirty or forty years that they’ve been together obsessively wondering what the other person is doing, whether they are thinking about them, what they are wearing, etc. Eventually things will settle down into contentment no matter how fired up you both were at the beginning. You will have jobs and kids and friends and things – you will still have the other person, but whereas before they were your sun, moon and starlit sky, now they are the wonderful backdrop against which and with whom life will be played out. You need to be ready for that, and to see the change from early passion to deep, patient commitment and cherishing as a good thing.

So here’s my challenge. If you have a fantasy figure, you need to grab them right now, take them outside and kill them. You need to do it right now because that little fantasy man or woman is spoiling your chance of seizing hold of everything God has in store for you.

For years I was chasing the fantasy man.

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